Last winter I took part in an African American History course put on by Nehemiah and Justified Anger. Every week we would learn from different UW professors about aspects of American history that I was never taught in school.

After the course ended (cut a little short by COVID), Dr. Gee, who leads up Nehemiah, has been engaging course alumni in regular zoom calls. There’s also a very active email group that’s working to provide strong allyship through the protests and efforts to change policing.

During today’s zoom call, Dr. Gee, who is Black, talked about feeling beleaguered. He pointed out that we will know that the protests and work we are doing is having an impact when the composition of staff and boards and those whose voices are getting heard has become more diverse.

About 40 min into our call, one or more people sabotaged the call. They took over the chat area and spewed an absolute tirade of hate against Dr. Gee and people of color. They used the most vile, nauseating language, music, and images. The n-word was repeated over 1,000 times. For many minutes, our Zoom moderators struggled to block them out. I turned off my speakers and closed the chat box. I wondered if I should leave because staying was giving them an audience. But I also felt like we were in this together.

It hurt to hear all of that and to see the faces of real people who seethe with such hurt and vitriol. It was awful. Eventually, the moderators shut out the hate-hurlers. And then we spent a while debriefing as a group. People said they felt like it was an assult, they felt nauseated, humiliated, and violated. There were tears. We also noted that it was important to witness and to experience it together.

Dr. Gee said that he knows how to not let things like this destroy him (he said he has only been called the n-word in real life three times). He also said he would rather be called the n-word by someone like this guy rather than what happens regularly in Madison. He is often treated by white professionals as if racial injustice isn’t worth them using their power or resources to fix. It’s that more subtle form of racism that he said really hurts his health.

It was impressive to me that immediately after hearing this tirade from a clear cut hater that Dr. Gee’s first response was that a hate crime isn’t as bad as white professionals not taking the situation in Madison seriously and using with their power and influence and resources to fix it.

I’m processing. I care so much about this community, and I want to see a future where all people can thrive and where people get the help they need. We won’t let evil out-voice us.